I Just Think Its Funny

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Monsieur LeSeur

Just a word, before we begin. . . It has been remarked that this seems very reminiscent of a Three Stooges routine, and in all honesty. I must admit both that the intellectual level is appropriate and that (after it has been pointed out to me) I can make such a recollection, also, thru the past, darkly. Having admitted this, I will simply say that I am not factually aware of this stimulation, or unconcious plagiarism, and I am perfectly happy to give credit where credit is due -- all I know is that I could not sleep one night till I purged my system of this incessant, disrhythmic litany until I got it down in black and white, so to speak, in a cybernetic sort of way. . . .

I was glad to see my old friend again, he looked so well. "You look so
prosperous," I told him, "what are you doing now?"

"I run a restaurant," he said proudly, "a franchise of the LeSeur
corporation!"

"LeSeur?" I queried uncertainly. . . .

"Yes, LeSeur. I infer from your manner that you are confused, which is
understandable: we are a specialty restaurant. LeSeur's indeed is famous
mostly for their canned peas, but our cuisine is not limited just to that!"

"That is a relief", I confessed, "what do you call your place?"

"Monsieur LeSeur's Canapes," he announced with satisfaction.

"Can of Peas?" I ventured.

"No, no, no," he demurred, waving his hand as if he were wiping a chalkboard
clean, "Canapes: appetisers!"

"Oh, canapes!" I exclaimed, dumbfounded at my density. "What kind do you
serve?"

"Oh, an amazing variety," and he enumerated as examples: "Peas Rockefeller,
Peas Porridge (hot and cold), Peas Under Glass, and Peas Surprise'."

"Oh - um - all using LeSeur's Canned Peas, then?" I asked, crestfallen.

"Certainment!" he confirmed, gallically, "but this is no cuisine ordinare
and we always serve le portion grande: a full can."

"You serve," I observed carefully, "a can o'peas canapes".

"Yes," he drawled doubtfully, "you must come down to the restaurant and see
for yourself - off Bacon Street."

"How will I know it?" I asked.

"We have a very distinctive façade, very continental," he said. "We have
many windows in front and each has an awning with the restaurant name on
it."

"Then these are Can o'Peas Canapes Canopies," I said puckishly.

"Well, yes," he frowned . . . .

"And you have a lot of them, so they are a panoply of Can o'Peas Canapes
Canopies!"

"Well, yes," he tried to interject with narrowing eyes, but now I was on a
roll. . . .

"And you have the franchise, so you have a Monopoly on the Panoply of Can
o'Peas Canapes Canopies!"

"Well, yes," he began again, now with wall-eyed consternation. . . .

"And since it is so tres chic, you have the Hippity-Hoppity Monopoly on the
Panoply of Can o'Peas Canapes Canopies, don't you?" And off I went down the
street, singing: "Hippity-Hoppity Monopoly on the Panoply of Can o'Peas
Canapes Canopies, Hippity-Hoppity Monopoly on the Panoply of Can o'Peas
Canapes Canopies, Hippity-Hoppity Monopoly on the Panoply of Can o'Peas
Canapes Canopies . . . ."

"Don't come to my restaurant," he screamed down the street. "I withdraw my
invitation! Do you hear me? I withdraw my invitation!"

Excerpt from The Temprest, The Bawwey Fewawwi

ALL He shall be known! He will be recogniz't: One of those PermPrest! And he dresses to the right! HAIRLICK By the club he is in... HALTER By the school he went to... BOZO By the street he lives on... STRAYCAN By the car he drives... HERODEDAZE -- He doesn't have a caw. He wanted a caw, and we thought about it, but decided against it. BOZO Well, what kind of car did he want? HERODEDAZE Oh, it was expensive. Some fiwe-engine wed foweign caw, I don't wemembew. STRAYCAN Was it a jaguar? HERODEDAZE No, wasn't a jagywaw. HALTER Was it a mercedes? HERODEDAZE No, not a mewcedes? HAIRLICK Was it a volvo? HERODEDAZE No, not a wowwo. BOZO Was it a citroen? HERODEDAZE No, not a citwoen? I think it was italian. (laughter) BOZO A Fiat? HERODEDAZE No, but wait, it was a fewawi. HAIRLICK, ET AL. a -- fe-wa-wi ? (more laughter) HERODEDAZE Yes, that's it. a fewawi. HAIRLICK, ET AL. well, yes, that is a good car, but it is expensive... HERODEDAZE I shouldn't have been so headstwong, I should have given him the caw. I can't wemembew how many times we talked about it. BOZO Oh, you had the ferrari parlais'? HERODEDAZE Uh-huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh. Yes, we had the fewawi pawais'. BOZO And you talked about it at length, thoroughly? HERODEDAZE Yes, we thowoughly had our fewawi pawais. We tawked about aww the features, like the leathew intewior. BOZO The leather interior, uh-huh, what color was the interior? HERODEDAZE Bawwey. The colows wewe wed and bawwey in our fewawi pawais'. BOZO But you were wary? HERODEDAZE Yes, we wawily, but thowoughly had our wed and bawwey fewawi pawais'. BOZO So you had these conversations often? HERODEDAZE Oh, no wawely. Wawely and wawily, but thowoughly, we had our wed and bawwey fewawi pawais. BOZO Did he make progress? HERODEDAZE Oh, suwey. Swowy and suwey, wawely and wawily, but thowoughly we had our wed and bawwey fewawi pawais'. BOZO So he was getting closer to getting the car? HERODEDAZE Oh, bawely. We hadn't made that much pwogress, sowey and suwey, wawely and wawily, bawely, but thowoughly, we had our wed and bawwey fewawi pawais'. HALTER That's enough of that. Let's find something else to do. enter Aerial, playing a baseball game

Anecdote

The Anecdote

"Andy! How good to see you! How well you look!"

"Well, we in the Dote Family are known for our good health, Even my maiden aunt, Dorothy Dote. Have I told you about her before?"

"Who? Your Aunt?"

"Yes, Dear Old Auntie Dot -- there's actually a quite humorous story about her we tell at family gatherings. . . "

"Golly! Look at the time! I had no idea it was so late. I have to get go. . ."

". . .just half-a-minute -- you'll enjoy this. . . "

"What? Another Auntie Dot anecdote?"

"Yes, it turns out she was poisoned accidentally . . ."

"Poisoned!"

"Yes, we had to rush her to the hospital, where they pumped her stomach and gave her medicine. . . "

"So this is the Auntie Dot antidote anecdote."

"You might say that. It's a very amusing story -- if you'll just let me tell you. You know, there are several versions, everyone tells the story differently, but they all agree mine is the best."

"Then this would be the Andy Dote Auntie Dot antidote anecdote."

"Hmm. Yes. Well, anyway, you know how frail she is . . ."

"Ah. The Andy Dote dottering Auntie Dot antidote anecdote."

"But she still has the Old World manners and formality; she doesn't like young whippersnappers addressing her informally . . . "