brňavka - funny bone

A new word to add to my ever-growing Czech vocabulary . . .

My colleague says I need to learn “useful” words, rather than “hromonice”, for example,

But somehow my mind latches onto these instead….

 

But the derivation of “funny bone” is more elaborate than I would have tho’t . ..

The latinate for the elbow is “humerus”, hence, funny bone,

The antics of those afflicted, not with standing .  ..

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humerus

Lichtenstein - Sweet Dreams Baby

always good for a laff .  . .

the National Galerie near Vysteviste has this blown up huge onto a wall, also . . .

I asked my czech friends if Vysteviste sounded as funny to them as it does to me . . .

"Only whey you say it", they answered . . . 8^D . . .

Ouch!

Cancel your credit card before you die

 
 Now some people are really stupid!!!!
 Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.
 
 This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer
 service being what it is today.
 
 A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for
 February and March for their annual service charges on her credit
 card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The
 balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around
 $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
 
 Here is the exchange :
 
 Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
 
 Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and
 charges still apply.'
 
 Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
 
 Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been'
 
 Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
 
 Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report
 her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
 
 Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
 
 Citibank: 'Excuse me?'
 
 Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the
 part about her being dead?'
 
 Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
 
 
 Supervisor gets on the phone:
 
 Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January
 with a $0 balance.'
 
 Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges
 still apply.'
 
 Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
 
 Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
 
 Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
 
 Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
 
 Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )
 
 After they get the fax :
 
 Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know
 what more I can do to help.'
 
 Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you
 could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
 
 Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
 
 (What is wrong with these people?!?)
 
 Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
 
 Citibank: 'That might help..'
 
 Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
 
 Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
 
 Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
 
 Priceless!! Have you wondered why Citi is going broke and need
 the feds to bail them out!!

Green Fairy

from the restaurant (Kavarna Slavia) across the street from Narodni Divadlo, the National Theatre where we had just seen Carmen . . . tangentially and parenthetically . . .
a very interesting, very Czech presentation, IMVHO . . .
a very intriguing patina of slavic morbid puckishness overlaying the French tragic insousiance of Carmen, with prison wall barb-wire back grounds, transvestite ballerinas, and bicycles instead of horses . . .

the lead tenor had a sort of nixon posture issue and an uncertain quality to his voice that sort of negated his romantic lead.

Carmen was arguably the 3rd best soprano on stage . . . the second gypsy woman was a better singer but too short . . . the mousy childhood girlfriend was too blond to be carmen, but her solo in the 3rd act was the best thing on stage, got chills, if you know what I mean . . . not just IMHO, the crowd loved her and held her with applause then and again on her curtain call . . . now I know how those opera feuds get started . . . humiliating for the lead . . . who received gracious but tepid applause . . .

she didn't really give it her all -- if she has more to give - - -who can say . . . she just sorta minced around stage hitting all the right notes . . . her stage presence was  . . . unimposing, if one can complain about something so ephemeral . . . it could not be because she was dressed in white instead of red, could it?

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.
Noel Coward

At least we can console ourselves that Carment was not opera as it used to be . . . .

Czech Japanese Garden

 the Top Hotel near Chodov . . .

See if you can use your imagination to interpret these stones . . .

How to Act in First Class

From the Couch Trip, with Dan Aykroyd.

 

He has just escaped from a mental hospital, is impersonating a psychiatrist, boarding a flight to LA in first class in barely disguised prison clothes.

 

When the flight attendant asks him if he will have anything before the flight, he does not stammer out some feeble drink order, like I do:

 

“A Bag of Macademia Nuts!

“All your available cheeses!

“A dozen Raspberries with Crème Fraiche!

“And a Double Shot of BlackBush!”

 

A little non-plussed, but totally dominated by his suave insistence, the attendant thoughtfully asks, “would you like the shot on the Raspberries?”

 

“NO!” he states firmly, yet unruffledly, on the side, straight-up!”

 

We memorized it for our next trip, but got demoted to coach by some cost-cutting dragoon.

Embedded Cattlemen's Rhetoric

Brother:

I wonder if this word is more common in cattle country.

·                                 Main Entry: ²goad

·                                 Function: transitive verb

·                                 Date: 1579

1 : to incite or rouse as if with a goad
2 : to drive (as cattle) with a goad

 

I always thought of this as "persistant persuasive pressure" and not the optionless prodding with a pointy stick.  

 

PukkaDave:

Naw, man,

Coax, or cajole, even,

But goad, is to use the sharp stick.

Or in modernity, the taser-like impetuatator .  .  .

 

Brother:

Now I know....but (whenever this term came up) it was always people "goading me" into things.   At least the way I heard it...I thought folks meant I was being talked into it but they meant I was being pressured to an inevitable outcome "right out of the chute"

 

PukkaDave:

Well it’s good that you know now, anyway . . . 8^D . . .

But I assumed you were the goad-er, not the goad-ee

 

Brother:

"The good of goad depends" he said.

Then added as he nodded,

"On which end of the stick you are:

The Prodder or the Prodded" 

 

 

VENT VIOLENT UTILISER DEFENSE

An ordinary traffic warning of the potential for high winds in the south of France, and that caution must be used . . .

 

But, observe the found poetry herein: the way that VIOLENT springs from the cloven VENT, like Aphrodite from Jove, with an internal rhyme that seems positively familial, if not incestuous.

 

Rejoice in the stentorian hudibrastic of VIOLENT(violence) and DEFENSE, which in its oracular simplicity reverberates with joycean connotations and imputations.

 

And even more sonorously, metaphorically, this cogency warns us to prepare for the turbulence we inexorably approach: the Winds of War, Tsunamis of Debt, Cyclonic challenges . . .

 

Yes, this is Found Poetry . . . maybe I should not claim to have found it . . . some nameless bureaucrat in the French Hiway department has been charged with conveying this message . . . has he taken care with it, or dashed it off? Did he consider its import or was he perfunctory?

 

All Art is Found . . . but you have to be looking! Was this bureaucrat looking, or am I the first to see it? So often, when you find what you did not know you are looking for, did not realize precisely what you would find when you came across it, yet recognize it immediately, as the Truth-with-a-capital-T . . .

It is Luck, to find it, but Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. 

 

 

Visions of Algorithms Dancing in her Head

I forget what exactly we were talking about, but basically I was thinking out loud while analyzing family finances . . . when Mrs interrupted me and said “Number talk puts me to sleep” . . . we were in bed, and she wanted to go to sleep, anyway, so I gratified her . . . “the square of the hypoteneus is equal to the sum of the squares of the other 2 sides of the triangle” – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . .  she needed no more from me . . . .8^D . . .

 

Deutsche Road Sign

juvenile in the extreme, we agree, but . . .

ich denken nur est bin lustig

French Road Signs

There's a certain amount of mystery, due to the language difficile . . . but over and above that there is some cultural difficile . . . like these non-verbal cues . . . we saw others that we guessed meant "Watch Out for Evil Turkeys!" . . . these we speculated meant "Don't Pick Up HitchHikers" or "No Pedestrians" or "Watch Out for Crazed Escapees" . . .

Pizza Machine

Well, it was out of order . . .
But . . .
Je pense juste que c'est drôle

Methode Traditionelle

If you can believe it, in Condom, France, The Gers . . .

Je pense juste que c'est drôle

emperor and the golem

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0043411/

 

recommended to me as a great movie . . . 8.1 on IMDB

 

Golem is Yiddish . .. cf. Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golem

 

Yesterday afternoon, I was called away from my mundane tasks to attend an “Induction” for new employees, including 2 new colleagues, but I am not one of, tho’ I have apparently been on probation for 90 days as a new hire, even tho’ I have been with the company for 5 years, because I transferred from US to CZ . . . we were served Kolaches (Plum (prune) and Pear)), Strudel, anti-pastas, beer, wine, & juice . . . so from 3:30 till 5 pm I sat and drank on the company dime . . . fair enough . . .

 

I missed my weekly yoga class, but because I had a 5pm phone conf, anyway . . .got home after 6:30 . . . had a glass of champers with Mrs while we tried to visually straighten our new framed picture (by drinking, not by actually moving screws in the wall, if you see what I mean) . . . then we went to Lenka Hlava (Clear Head) vegetarian restaurant  . . . but never mind all that . . . 

 

the caterer for the Induction soiree’ was Golem Catering . . .  the waiter looked like a Hollywood – no, like a Czech film – stereotype of an evil Marquis, with his goatee curled in different strands – and – this is the point, at long last – I tho’t a golem was kind of an evil, murderous, vampire kinda thingy, which would be a very odd selection for the name of a caterer, I think you will agree, but all the Czechs agreed it just means servant . . .

 

according to Wikipedia, they are correct . . . it is even the unacknowledged model for Capek’s RUR . . . but . . . I had it in my head that Golum, from Lord of the Rings, was even modeled after the Golem concept, that the Golem was THAT kind of a being  . . . but I guess I was just ill-informed . . .  

Veverka Ciperka

Went to lunch with my office crowd, over to the Slunucnice (sunflower) . . .

My compadres perversely enjoy watching me parse over the menu picking out words I know . . .

Kruti . . .kureci . . .losos . . . pecene. . . .brambori . . . ryze . . . smazene . . . grilada . . .

But they were all smirking and laughing openly last Friday . . . as puzzled over a new entry in the menu . . .

“Veverka Ciperka!”

Means squirrel . . .. Ciperka means cute or perky . . . it’s like a generic name now, from a cartoon character, I think . . .

We all had to have it . . . .when it came, it was chicken sprinkled with chopped nuts . . . I think . . . would have been a very large squirrel . . . but the rabbits here are big as jackrabbits, too . . .

Golf Punk

One hardly knows whether to laugh or cry . . . cf, the golf magazine . . . I mean, it is not even particularly czech to entertwingle golf and nubile young women, but golf punk?

What is up with that?

The celebration of golfers unable to hit more than 180m from the tee?

Svoboda

freedom - drzost

freedom - lehkost (mluvit anglicky ap.)

freedom - plynulost (mluvit anglicky ap.)

freedom - svobodné užívání čeho

freedom - svoboda

freedom - volnost

freedom - osvobození

freedom - svobodné užívání (čeho)

freedom - nezávislost

freedom - nenucenost

freedom - členství

freedom - neomezenost

freedom - nevázanost

freedom - otevřenost

freedom - přímost

freedom - upřímnost

freedom - volný přístup

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Swoboda

In the 1969 World Series, Swoboda, not known for his fielding, made a spectacular rally-snuffing catch of a ball hit by the Baltimore Orioles' Brooks Robinson in the 9th inning of Game Four. The Mets won the game in the 10th inning, and subsequently, the World Series. A photograph of Swoboda, stretched almost horizontally, just inches off the ground, became an iconic image for Mets fans. The Right Field entrance gate of Citi Field, the current ballpark of the Mets, features a metal silhouette of a baseball player making a diving catch similar to the one Swoboda made during the 1969 World Series.

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/giants/galleries/how_unknowns_became_ny_legends/how_unknowns_became_ny_legends.html

So, picture this . . .

Ron Swoboda’s ancestor at Ellis Island . . . staring incomprehensibly at the Immigration Official asking his name -- as blankly as I do at a Czech waiter asking me if I’m ready to order the food – but he spreads his arms theatrically and shouts “Swoboda” -- “Freedom” -- since he now will be in America . . . and that becomes his name . . . .

I just think its funny . . .

Rented Apartment Art

So . . .

When you rent a furnished apartment, it does not come with bare walls . . . there is art of a sort . . .

ours includes this picture of - the don't get me wrong: FABULOUS -- Josephine Baker . . . altho' . . . is there anybody younger than me that even knows who she was? There was a film recently, but I don't think from that film one would infer the lionization she enjoyed. . . not the global scale of it . . .

any way . . .

this is a hopelessly poor framed cheesy picture, hung over where my computer now sits . . . I see it every day . . . she was and will always be fabulous and iconographic, so seriously beautiful that other women do not mind, if you know what I mean, even naked . . .

Devil Horses of Karlovy Vary

We decided this get-up was functional in some way, but danged if we can suss it out . . . these were devilish in a cartoonish way, red & pointy, but there were some silver ones on grey stallions with blue eyes that would do for Harry Potter . . . made my blood run cold . . .

Bumpy Road Ahead

If only life were as simple as a Bohemian Highway under construction . . . that there should be signs to warn a man that what lies before him were not desirable things to, uh, er, desire, but instead, hazards . . . but maybe we are just too . . . obtuse to see that these are warning signs, not enticements . . .

OTOH, I just think it's funny .. .

Karlovy Vary Tschotskes

Three times my wife and I have had to clean out the living space of the dearly departed . . . leading us to the declaration that we will throw away all the useless bric-a-brac people collect in a lifetime, just so we won't put our kids thru what we have been thru . . . I think we have less useless crap than most people (if you don't count my rare-but-not-valuable books) since we have moved so often in the last 30 years, but I see -- now -- we will fail, for we were unable to resist these little cobalt blue on white porcelain mineral water drinking mugs . . . you sip thru the handle, since the water is hot . . . the motifs are all traditional Czech, slunucnice (sunflower), onion, etc . . . not like the cheesy ones with pictures stamped on them . . . 8^D . . . all we need now is some traditional Czech Lace to compleat the display . . . sorry kids . . .

Kokopelli in Europe . . .

we were looking for some chilled champagne (alright, Bohemian Sekt) Sunday evening in Karlovy Vary, around the time they start rolling up the sidewalks . . . we had no luck with that . . . so we tried to buy some things that would get us enough change to buy some splits from the vending machine in the lobby . . . then we looked for the bus stop we would need to find the next day without luck . . . then as we trudged back up the hill towards the Thermal Hotel, there was the American Pukka . . . the Kokopelli . . . demonstrating once again the universal ubiquity of this archetype, in Jungian Terms, if you know what I mean . . . there's a Kokopelli shoppe in the Red Light District in Amsterdam . . . I coulda sworn I had a picture of it . . . but can't find it . . .

Clear Enough to See Stars

The ceiling at the back room at Lehka Hlava “Clear Head” Vegetarian Restaurant in Prague . . .

It was too dark for my cel phone pix of food to turn out (no flash), but it was excellent . . .

We split the small clear head for a starter, then We split the large clear head for a main course

All with a very nice NZ Shiraz . . .

“Small Clear Head” - selection of cold starters (eggplant tartar, hummus, tabbouleh, marinated feta cheese, olives and a small green salad)

140 CZK

“Big Clear Head” - selection of main dishes (eggplant quesadilla with tomato salsa and sour cream, grilled vegetable kebabs, potatoes au gratin and a small green salad with lemon-honey dressing)

205 CZK

http://www.lehkahlava.cz/en_novinky.htm

well - it’s not funny, tho’ we enjoyed it tremendously . . .8^D . . . we felt very righteous after yoga then dining vegetarian, tho’ our head may not have been so clear after that bottle of wine . . .

 

 

Red Tractor Parts Grouping

From the Kampa Museum in Praha . . .

I should include the Artist name but I don’t have it . . .

I should use the Artist’s title, but I don’t remember it . . .

 

Sort of like the Yellow Penguins . . . one Red Tractor Part figure is kitschy . . . a grouping of several is Art . . . 8^D . . .

 

 

Yellow Penguins @ Museum Kampa

We decided this was a combination of a Christo and a Gillhouly Installations . . . as Mrs said, 1 yellow penguin is funny, but 30 of them is Art!

Our only regret is that they apparently light up at night, but we were not there then . . .

Blind Lane

OK. I know this is going to be as politically incorrect as when I laughed at the sign on the markee outside the Santa Fe Indian School For The Deaf: “Christmas Concert Saturday Night – Santa Fe Gay Men Glee Club” . . .

 

But see these first two lanes . . . for bicycles and pedestrians, or maybe, bicycles and paedophiles . . . ONLY KIDDING. . . Jeebus . . . never mind that, anyway. . . it’s the other lane I wanna talk about . . . see: it’s for the blind, safely away from the street, and out of the way of the other traffic, but - - - but - - - there’s only one lane . . . don’t you visualize two blind people knocking coconuts, colliding in that one lane?

 

Is it only me?

 

Dang.

 

BelzePub

I am reliably informed that this pub is not a den of Satan Worshippers, but rather the hangout of savvy technophiles . . .

but it looks like the city has taken matters into its own hands and posted a no-entry sign (on the lamp post, under the yellow diamond). . .

No Fun

No Fun Permitted in this park!

Mind The Trains

from #4 at Golf Hostivar . . . which parallels the train tracks . . . they don't want you to hit while the train is passing, and after such a tho't is planted in your head, there is no way you are not putting at least one ball over on the tracks . . .

Hostivar Irritation

This Installation is in the entrance to the Golf Hostivar' Clubhouse . . . as if they were walking into the clubhouse.

Why do they look so cross?

Are they nearby residents coming to complain about errant golf balls?

Are they poor golfers un-anxious to play again -- but Golf is their Obligation?

Are they just tired- as am I - of playing in the @#$@#$@#$ Rain!

Svata Prostoto

Last Weekend was Jan Hus day.

Allegedly with the execution in process, the executors had some problems scaling up the fire. An old woman came closer to the bonfire and threw a relatively small amount of brushwood on it. Hus, seeing it, then said, "Sancta Simplicitas!" (Holy Simplicity!) This sentence or its Czech equivalent ("svatá prostota!" or in vocative form "svatá prostoto!") is – more or less ironically – is still used to comment upon a stupid action based on a person's unbelievable naivity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Hus

possibly, I am just so perverse, I am unredeemable, but I prefer to believe that it is because I live-and-work in an Uber-Dilbert world compounded with Kafkian complexities mitigated only slightly by Kunderan comprehension . . .

“What! You thought THAT would work?!?!?!?! Svata Prostoto!”

! Traffic Sign, Praha Hiway 4

Call A Head

Astoria NYC

Hromnice

Hromnice means Ground Hog Day in Czech, but as I was told . . . “it’s not a holiday” . . . . well, it’s not a holiday in the US, either, but it’s on all the calendars, and the goofy enthusiasm we show for the occasion could easily lead them to believe that it is . . . . I guess that it is, sort-of, in Punxatawny.

 

So I was on TDY in PRG on Groundhog Day, and I saw it on the calendar, and reacted the goofy, excited way Americans do about it, so my cubicle mates were disturbed – their concentration on real work was broken till I could explain . . . so I explained it, and the rituals, to their amazement . . . they conversed amongst themselves till they came up with “hromnice”, which they pronounced “Huh-r-r-r-r-rom-neet-sa” . . . don’t be shy, try it at home: huff that H, and roll that R! . . . 8^D . . .

 

So: I inevitably referred to the movie Ground Hog Day, to more perplexed looks . . . with Bill Murray? . . . more uncertain nods . . . same thing happens over-and-over till he redeems himself? . . . unwilling shakes of the head . . . dies over-and-over-but still lives? . . . outright confusion and even consternation . . . Andie McDowell?

 

Ooooh! Andie McDowell said one guy . . .and he chattered to the others in Czech till they all had broad smiles and were nodding? OH! They all said, “GROUND HOG DAY!”

 

Well, that’s what I thought I was saying . . .

 

I’ve conducted this informal research now with 4 or 5 groups of Czechs with uniform response: they don’t know anything till I bring up Andie McDowell, then they know everything, including the philosophic/sardonic lesson of the movie . . .  as far as I can tell, she has no Czech connections, has never been here, but there’s some sort of psychic connection . . .  

Vodovod

Prague 1 "water conduit" . . .

sewer?

Pivnice Pivrnce, Prague 1

pivnice = peev-nitsa = beerhall

u=at

pivrnce - peev-runtsa (?) = ?

http://www.expats.cz/prague/article/restaurant-reviews/pivnice-u-pivrnce/

excellent crepes, nice ambience, good windows for perving . . .

Bunker Mentality

a defunct golf store in Prague, CR . . . too bad, because there seems to be dearth of golf stores . . . even the two pro shops I've been in at golf courses had very, very limited inventory . . . like, no putters at all, no drivers, except in the couple of compleat sets they had . . .

City Sliquors, Astoria NY